So you want your players to be Eyeball Beholderkin …

Step 1 – buy some dead cheap deely boppers

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Step 2 – decapitate them

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Step 3 – find a use for all the decapitated heads

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Step 4 – Use Duct tape to stick a pair of headless deely boppers together

Make sure the springs of the deely boppers don’t line up with each other.
You want to create a spread-out fan of 4 springs.
The head band may have sets of spikes to help grip the person’s head.
You may want to remove some of the sets to stop the new head band being too spikey.

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Step 5 – Cut off the excess head band

As the two bands are off-set from each other, there will be an each of extra plastic at each end.
Cut the excess off. This will mean the taped head band will be shorter than the original but the ends will be even.

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Step 6 – Keep taping

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Step 7 – Buy a load of polystyrene balls

40mm is a good size.

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Step 8 – Drill holes in the polystyrene balls.

The hole needs to be small enough so that the head band springs fit in nice and tightly without needing glue.

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Step 9  – Assemble

Replace any polystyrene balls that are not secure.

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Step 10 – spray paint

You will need to hold each head band and spray each assembly individually.
Trying to spray them as in the photo will leave lots of bare patches.
Leave to dry for a few hours in such a way that the balls don’t touch anything.
Apply another coat and leave for a few days.

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Step 11 – Make some bends (optional)

Insert straightened paper clips into the springs and bend to required angle.
This allows you to add bends to the springs without damaging the springs themselves.

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Step 12 – Decorate with stick-on eyes

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Step 13 – add some veins

Sharpy black or silver work well on purple.

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Step 14 – Make as many as you need

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Step 15 – Enjoy

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Costs

  • Polystyrene balls – 10p each
  • Deely boppers – £1 each
  • Stick-on eyes – a few pennies each

Total £2.50 each

Also need:

  • Spray paint
  • Duct tape
  • Sharpie pens
Posted in Games | Leave a comment

At the Mountains of Madness in Bracknell

I’ve now added HP Lovecraft to the list of authors whose books I have seen become theatre. He’s in the good company of Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaimen which indicates how short and niche that list really is.

Tonight was a one-man show of “At the Mountains of Madness” by the Icarus Theatre group. There isn’t a lot of horror on the stage at the best of times so I decided to give the opening night a visit.

The cast was Tim Hardy, a RADA Director and RSC veteran, supported by recorded voices played through the on-stage radio set. For over an hour, Tim becomes William Dyer, the leader of an ill-fated expedition Antarctic expedition, trying to convince us of the folly of visiting the southern continent again.

As Tim is the only person on stage, he’s the focus of the audience’s attention the whole time without any breaks or scene changes. After a while, you realise how good the acting is when you notice how engrossed you are in the story. There are only a handful of props and all the events of the story are described, rather than displayed, so it’s pretty much like a radio drama where the pictures are vividly projected in your head.

The group held a Q&A afterwards (as it was the first show) which went well. Theo Holloway (sitting between Tim and Max Lewendel, the director) came up with the idea of putting the book on the stage and managed the production, sound and music.

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Tim was not at all familiar with Lovecraft’s work, which he felt came in handy as he wasn’t at all precious about cutting away at the script to get something that would work on the stage. This obviously worked as the play definitely still had the right feel. Lovely guy, Tim. Very pleasant to listen to.

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The show is now on tour around the UK until mid-May and well worth your time.

Flyer artwork (from the Icarus Theatre website):

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Tekeli-li!

Posted in Art | Leave a comment

So we bought an Xbox One

Hard to believe that the Xbox One had been out for two years before we had any reasons to buy one.

I looked around for offers and, out of a poor bunch, settled for the FIFA 16 bundle at Tesco with Halo 5 as the extra game. I’m rubbish at both football games and Halo so this shows how limited the selection to choose from was.

I ordered Rock Band with the legacy Wi-Fi adapter at the same time off Amazon, naïvely hoping our old USB kit would work. In the end, Rock band 4 couldn’t use the USB guitars, just the USB microphone; luckily I had a wireless guitar which the legacy adapter (bought at extra cost) allowed me to use.

Went for supermarket delivery – picking up the Xbox and Halo from the local Tesco Express, and Rock Band from the shop down the path that participates in the Pass My Parcel scheme. A parcel collection point open from 6:30am to 8pm with email notification kicks the postman with his “Sorry, you were out” card and depots in the middle of business parks back into the 20th century. The East Reading Royal Mail delivery office shuts at 1pm every week day except Wednesday when they manage 8pm. Too little, too late, but I’m now way off-topic.

So I managed to set up the console without too much difficulty – the main obstacle was the rat’s nest of cables and plug sockets behind the TV (I’ll get round to plugging the Toshiba VCR back in some time…) The design doesn’t look particularly special – a standard black case with sockets placed aesthetically rather then where they’d be useful. I found the touch-sensitive power and Blu-ray eject buttons a nice touch until I discovered how easy it is to activate them by accidentally brushing your fingers past them.

We soon decided that the console must be defective. It was horribly slow in games and the interface was often unresponsive. Maybe the hard drive or optical disk drive were broken? It was hard to tell as home use electronics never have any useful diagnostics. Eventually we decided that it was working – just also trying to download and install gigabytes and gigabytes of updates. It hadn’t helped that the FIFA 16 game was a download-only version which took forever to come down the line. Once the updates for the console and Halo had arrived, that is. The Xbox was basically unusable for HOURS.

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Eventually, the console settled down, 60 GB later, to an acceptable performance level and we could play some Rock Band. It was then that we discovered the nightmare that is the Xbox One Store.

  1. You cannot just press the ‘A’ button to get the console to download all the music you bought for Rock Band 3 on the Xbox 360. No, you have to download them one track (or pack) at a time. This is by design due to Microsoft’s restrictions.
  2. To find a song to download, you slide through the row of titles until you find what you want. Once you’ve queued it up for download, you’re back at the start of the row again. Each and every time. And there seems to be a limit to the size of the row so you can’t seem to display all the available songs.
  3. To speed things up, I searched for key words from song titles, tediously typed in to the on-screen keyboard using the controller. (Yes, I should have gone to find a USB keyboard in case that made things easier.) This way, I only had a few titles to choose from instead of dozens. This was a two-person operation – one reading from the list of song titles we owned and the other using the controller. It took ages and we know we’ve missed some.
  4. To get the list, I went to the Xbox 360 store website and downloaded my purchase history. There is no equivalent website for the Xbox One. I can go to a purchase and tell it to download to an Xbox 360 again but I can’t request a download to an Xbox One.

Another time I set up the Xbox Media Player app to play music stored on the server in the study. There are a LOT of albums ripped to the hard disk from our CD collection, all indexed on the server. Media Player on the PC would allow you to view these by album title, artists, etc. in the way most people are properly familiar with. The equivalent on the Xbox One tries to do the same but seems to be designed to cope with only a handful of albums. I couldn’t get the clunky row of titles to scroll past ‘B’. Maybe it just needs time to cope with the large amount of indexed data. Some indication of this would be nice. I did start some tracks to see how it handled playing data over the home network. Not well. Some worked but then the app got bored and gave up trying.

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Is there anything I like about the Xbox One? No, not really.

  • The graphical quality within the games is nice but that’s a bare minimum and to be expected from a replacement for the Xbox 360 that came out 10 years ago.
  • I resent being unable to use most of the accessories from the 360 (controllers, steering wheels, Kinect, etc.)
  • The user interface is confusing at best (and I thought I was used to the 360’s similar UI). 
  • I’ve had to upgrade our Broadband to unlimited so we won’t keep blowing our monthly quota. Obviously, Samantha is VERY happy about this.

Thankfully, I still have the Xbox 360 plugged in to the TV for all the things the Xbox One can’t do properly (or at all).

Posted in Xbox | Leave a comment

Naan pizza

Hmmm…. what’s available for tea?

  • Slices of pork from the Sunday roast last weekend
  • Buffalo Mozzarella
  • Couple of plain naans left over from a “Waitrose Indian Takeaway for 2”
  • Tomato paste
  • Oregano, Paprika and Parsley

Pizza!

 

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Posted in Cookery, Food | Leave a comment

Bill Bailey–Limboland

Big fan of Bill Bailey, the comedian and musician – not to be confused with Axl Rose, the other famous comedian and musician – so reasonably happy to cough up £25 (+£2 ticket tax). He seems to be keeping his pulling power as tickets were only 5p less for the Qualmpeddlar tour back in 2013.

Doesn’t the Hexagon look lovely?

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Impressed how many instruments Bill brought on stage with him. Guitars, a mandola (violin is to viola as mandolin is to mandola; simples), keyboards, and some ethnic (his word) wooden xylophony sort of thing, supported at one point with the sampled roar of the audience.

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I was definitely in the right frame of mind for Bill’s comedy tonight. He made me laugh throughout and the muscles at the back of my scalp were aching after a while. Tried to ignore the often bemused person on my right that didn’t seem as tuned in.

As is usual with all comedy gigs, a spell is cast upon the audience such that all memory of the actual jokes and punch lines fades almost immediately after leaving the venue. Now all I have are “I’m a fully qualified bongos instructor”, Ramstein’s rendition of Abba’s Waterloo, and Bill’s story of being a drunken fanboy around Macca.

Dithered at the merch stall over buying “In Metal” but they are the same price online (although +P&P) for a signed copy. As Bill did seem to be hanging around afterwards to do autographs, I passed. Maybe I’ll add it to the Christmas list.

Posted in Comedy, Music | Leave a comment

Trevor Noah? What a git

Last December, I eagerly bought tickets to see Trevor Noah at the Hexagon. I’d seen him on the TV a few times and thought he would be a nice addition to the comedy gigs we see in town. Front row seats, bought ten months in advance.

Yesterday, the Hexagon box office called to tell me the gig had been cancelled. Obviously, I was concerned as gigs are usually cancelled because of poor health. I checked Trevor’s website and saw that all the tour dates had gone. No obvious reason. Strange.

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Then I noticed his Twitter feed at the bottom talking about Trevor now hosting “The Daily Show”. So he knew ages ago that a big TV role was going to clash with his tour but decided to hold on until the show aired before cancelling the tour. Thanks a bunch.

Financially prudent to have a back-up but what a git.

[[I should really write a #NSFW version to explain my true feelings]]

Posted in Comedy | Leave a comment

Atten…shun!

Saw a horde of caterpillars on a rose bush in our garden at the weekend that I’m sure we’d never seen dining there before.

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Turns out that they are not caterpillars as that term is for butterflies and moths only. These are instead the larvae of rose sawflies, as indicated on an RHS blog (What’s eating the rose foliage?).

The blog goes on to say:

“Sawfly larvae are curious little things. The slightest disturbance of the plant causes them to curl their bodies so their ‘tails’ are pointing away from the leaf.”

So I went ahead and tapped the stem, causing all the larvae to immediately stick their tails in the air. Marvellous to watch.

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Posted in Nature | Leave a comment