Songs from the Nationals

For the last four years I’ve been running a D&D/Pathfinder game for the Student Nationals. To make the game more fun, I’ve started making props for the players – last year they were given Beholder deely boppers:

This year, microphones:

Thankfully, the props do usually get the desired player involvement.
Kieran Harwood has kindly provided the lyrics to the limericks and songs he wrote on the fly for the band of War-Chanter bards during the game.
Obviously, a lot of context is lost if you weren’t there… Imagine “The Voice” with monsters:

There once was a fighter from Tyr
who fought his foes without fear
But on the plane of air
he was attacked by a bear
and now all he wants is a beer

There once was an evil assassin most foul
who’s face was hidden by a cowl
he tried to kill our hero
but his chances were zero
so in seconds he threw in the towel

There once was a demon from the depths of the Abyss
Who sealed her deals with a lone kiss
One day she got drunk
and made out with a skunk
And now her breath smells of … urine

There once was a half-orc who wrote limericks
and this is an example of those limericks
His alignment was any non-good
and his lyrics were also non-good
plus the last line didn’t even rhyme

There once was a wizard on the coast
who’s name was feared by most
he saw some tieflings perform
and said “that was the norm
and their music is as bland as toast”

There once was a tiefling in a band
who’s music kept getting them panned
They were coarse and irritating
and they seemed to get everywhere
So basically, they were just like sand

There once was an elf walking into a bar
accompanied be a dwarf and a centaur
they started drinking at one
and when they were done
they had all ended up on the floor

There once was a wasp summoned from Hell
that left us a great tale to tell
we beat the beast down
with nary a frown
and the summoner’s name starts with “Bell”

There once was a giant wasp, oh shucks!
It flies at Goodberry, but she ducks
we barely fend it away
until we’re gone from the fray
and I’ll just end by saying: “4th Ed sucks”

There once was a dwarf with a tiny beard
who was neither respected or feared
a fight he did pick
but with his small… trick
his opponents simply laughed and jeered

There once was a pair of giant space hamsters
and we’re riding a Spelljammer with them
They are super cute
sorry, this isn’t a limerick
I just wanted to brag about the hamsters

There once was a Marilith on the drum
who was angered by Modrons being dumb
The brass was in dismay
because one was a flambé
but a band’s only as good as its sum

There once was a man who lost his principles
But he had lots of money, so didn’t care
Turns out this isn’t a limerick
There’s not even a fifth line
… … …

The treant’s time is up, our time is now
You can’t vote for him, our time is now
It’s the Shillelaghs, boy We’re singin’ now
You can vote for us, our time is now!
In case you forgot or fell off we’re hot – knock your bark off
Our gold pieces fat plus I can’t turn the swell off
The Shillelaghs, doin’ singin’, we live this
It’s automatic we win this – oh you hear those harps, you finished
War-Chanter Bards, and we stay near you fightin’
Plus we’re singin’ at you chumps like we’re thunder and lightnin

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